I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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