He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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