it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
