My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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