Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was not drunk enough for that final.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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