I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
