My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
