somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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