I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
