hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
