Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
