The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
