he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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