Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
