oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
