You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize