I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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