I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
