I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
