Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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