If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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