found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
