Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
