okay pat passed out under dana's car
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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