I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
