You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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