i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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