I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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