yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
