She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
