Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize