I just cut my nipple shaving
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
