no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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