My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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