remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
