I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
