wrigley field is MILF paradise
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
