in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Semen is not good for contacts.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
