I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize