Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
