Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
