i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
