I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
