This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
