I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just invented taco cereal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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