Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You're like the curious george of whores
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
