I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
