One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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