if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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