does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
