Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
