Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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