just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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