Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
