what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
