Tell her she can't have a vagina
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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