I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
