garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The maid of honor just puked.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
