happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
