sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
