im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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