well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And then my night got REAL pukey
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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