Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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