Who did Billy Mays play for?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
