Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
