Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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