Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
