Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
