D3 body, D1 cock
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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