He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
