I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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