I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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