i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
