I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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