Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
