My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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