I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I still have a little drunk in my system
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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