I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize