Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
