I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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