You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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