think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize