Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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