where am i from again
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
