Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Be still, my beating vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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