I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
