I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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