when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
