Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
