The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
