Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
