in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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