I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
