I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
