that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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