thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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