I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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