Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize