you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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