Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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